Being & Becoming
2023 Reflections
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As the year comes to an end I naturally shift into a state of reflection and review the year I’ve had and sit with what feels most present right now.
I want to share some of those things today…
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Reflections
How do you define success in life?
I’m learning to find solace in simply being. To be present with what I need in each moment and to be present with each interaction I have with someone. Historically, I had an obsession with growth and goals every year. My self-worth would be tied to my ability to measure the amount of external achievements I accomplished. I’m realising now that peace is what I am really wanting. A feeling of ease in my soul about life. My focus now is to be a truer version of who I am every year—finding the balance between honouring what I need and letting go of what no longer resonates. The more I am able to simply be without the need to be someone else, doing something else, the more I can fine-tune my hearing to receive direction from God.
How much space do you give to rest?
As a society we are very activated mentally, physically, and emotionally all the time and rarely create space to rest. I’m learning to untie the guilt that is wrapped around the idea of resting. I’ve been taking more naps and sleeping longer when I have needed to. Our nervous system is so stimulated all the time it is no surprise many of us are exhausted. Each year I am trying to build a deeper relationship with my body—trusting its wisdom by honouring what it needs. This year I started working with a healer who is skilled in Lymphatic Massage. I’m learning to be more present with my body’s sensations in situations to connect to how I am feeling. The ability to truly and deeply feel had escaped me for the longest time and I was numb. The fact that my body is telling me it needs rest is a sign that I am learning to feel again.
What words resonate most for you right now?
My words for 2023 were Stillness and Expansion.
I’ve had to cultivate more stillness this year to survive the storms that life presented. Finding moments of silence in the morning with a cup of tea and some deep breathing before bed to stay grounded.
I do feel like an expanded truer version of myself. I’ve had opportunities to grow both in work and in relationship with myself and my new partner. I think about how the oak tree resides within the acorn. I have tended to my potential this year by stepping into opportunities that presented themselves.
Impact and Magic are two words that resonate most for 2024.
What have you said NO to?
Historically my intuition has always taught me when to say YES, but this year I’ve also learned the power of saying NO.
No to opportunities that on paper seem amazing but energetically feel wrong.
No to remaining in situations with people that cause stress and anxiety.
No to being the crutch for others to continue their cycles of abuse.
No to having my boundaries crossed.
No to compromising on my peace.
Are you comfortable asking for help?
Being able to ask and receive help takes humility and wisdom—it is not a sign of weakness. I have had a great coach and mentor support me through some emotionally challenging periods this year. I also learned to deepen my faith in the Divine by trusting that it will deliver the right resources and people to me at the perfect time. When my heart is open and I have a pure intention, I will not be left empty handed.
What’s your relationship to giving and receiving?
I’m realising there is something profoundly satisfying in giving. I’m reminded of this quote: “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” - Rabindranath Tagore.
There is something beautiful about seeing someone light up when they receive a gesture of kindness be it as a physical gift or a sincere compliment. Giving to another brings me so much joy. When you give authentically I think it serves as a reminder that goodness still lives in the world and that they matter.
What does Motherhood or Fatherhood mean to you?
I’ve recently gotten very curious about healthy masculinity, particularly in relation to Fatherhood. Whilst I do not have children of my own, I’m curious about what fatherhood means to me.
We unfortunately live in a world where children are raising children. Individuals have not consciously shed their old identities and stepped into their roles as Mother and Father. They are simply embodying a subconscious generational blueprint of parenting that more often than not, isn’t healthy.
A spiritual mentor and soul brother recently shared with me that being a Father is an archetype. It is an energy you embody. It is a role that you can step into without needing to have children of your own.
So many people have kids because they think it is what they should do as the next step for a successful and happy life. Others have children because they think it will fix their relationship. Unfortunately, this is only a short term solution for a deeper issue that needs to be addressed.
What makes you feel loved?
Being listened to is my love language. It is one of the most important life skills we can cultivate in a world full of distractions. It is something I try to embody more and more. I realise it is because it’s something I wasn’t given growing up. It then became the very thing I started to yearn from interactions and I began to do that for others because I know how much it lacked in the world.
Who are you?
We always associate a pilgrimage with an outward journey. As I turned 31 this year I reflected on the last decade and realised my time between 20-30 was very much about an inner pilgrimage. An internal journey through the peaks and valleys of my soul to find out who I am and my place in the world. This will be an ongoing exploration but it was a central theme during that decade—to find the truth of who I am.
Whose life are you living?
People can feel trapped in their own lives. Trapped in a spiderweb that they built. Instead of allowing myself to follow what I should do with my life based on the expectations and pressure from parents and society, I am learning to allow my life path to incarnate naturally with each step I take. Many of us are unfortunately chasing false dreams. I want to die knowing I lived a life authentic to me.
Are you surviving or thriving?
We’ve normalised dysfunctional behaviour as a society. This year I was made aware of the difference between surviving and thriving.
I thought that I was thriving in life simply because I was making progress regardless of the emotional pain I was secretly suffering with. I realised that this was simply survival mode.
The question I was posed with was this:
What would life look and feel like if I addressed the emotional pain in my life instead of trying to fight against it?
Who can you express gratitude to right now?
I’m really grateful for friendships. These are the support systems in our lives that we can forget to nurture as life gets complex and busy. I find so much nourishment in deep, authentic, and soulful conversations with others. If you have loving and supportive friends in your life, cherish them. Friendship is one of life’s best gifts.
What values do you want to embody in a relationship?
Love is a connection that exists outside of labels.
We have an image of how relationships should be in our head vs reality of what is available to us. Many people are chasing their version of an ideal relationship by external metrics.
Love doesn’t look a certain way.
Focus on what values you want the person to embody and then ask yourself whether you are embodying these yourself.
I value someone who can nourish me intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. Someone who is open minded and committed to doing their inner work and has a strong devotion to God. If the person is rooted in these things then it doesn’t matter what they look like because the attraction and magnetism will blossom as you grow together.
Love may not come in a package that you recognise.
What can you thank your old self for?
Something I’ve never done is consicously thank my old self for believing that something better could happen. So I want to end this by saying thank you to all the old versions of me who were lost and broken, but somehow found the faith to keep going beleiving things could get better. I love each of you. It is because of you we are now here. I am standing on your shoulders. I will never forget that.
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One love ❤️
V