A special shout out to all new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you ❤️
If you enjoy my writing please consider becoming a paid subscriber to access my full archive of writing + exclusive monthly virtual gatherings. All your money goes towards financially supporting me.
If you really want a subscription but aren’t able to afford one please email me on vipulbhesania@gmail.com and I will give you lifetime access. I only have one ask in return: you promise to pay it forward by gifting a subscription to someone in the future when you are able to.
Reminder: our first virtual ceremony 🙏🏽
I mentioned in my last newsletter that paid subscribers would now get exclusive access to a monthly virtual ceremony with me.
This is a safe space for us to get to know one another more deeply.
We’ll do some meditation, q&a, dive into deep conversations, live poetry readings, journalling + more!
Would you want to share in deep conversations while sitting on a cozy sofa sipping a hot cup of tea listening to the sound of crackling fire in a dimly lit room with the soft and soothing scent of burning palo santo?
That’s the vibe I’m going for :)
If that sounds like you then sign up now to be a paid subscriber and you’ll receive an invite.
Our first virtual gathering is happening Sunday 3rd December at 6PM UK time.
Leaning In
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek” - Joseph Campbell
I could see the boat.
Another minute and I can rest, I thought.
My heart was trying to escape my chest.
I was heavily out of breath as I approached the ladder on the side of the boat.
I slowly climbed aboard feeling proud of what I had just done.
I’d just had another date with fear.
I think she likes me.
Lets rewind to the beginning of the story…
Earlier this year I was in Dubrovnik, Croatia for a friend’s stag (bachelor party).
One of the activties we did was cave diving.
It was a beautiful, warm, and breezy day.
I jumped into the ocean and could feel the warmth of the salty sea wrap my body.
Whilst the sea was calm, its terrifying nature was made known as the power of the current carried my body like a feather in the wind— a firm reminder that it was not to be messed with.
We spent some time swimming in and out of the blue caves.
I found those caves to be quite welcoming as it was a surprisingly wide open space once you’re in there and it was easy to get in and out.
That wasn’t the end of our little adventure though.
After about 30 minutes we hopped back onto the boat and the guide took us further into the ocean to the second set of caves.
That’s when I had a choice to make.
In Or Out?
“Look fear in the face and it will cease to trouble you.” - Paramahansa Yogananda
There were 3 caves.
The first two were an easy swim in and out and you could go in unattended.
The third one was the most challenging and required you to be a confident swimmer comfortable in tight spaces and swimming underwater.
“Once you go in you can’t go back. You must come out on the other side.” explained our guide.
The warrior in me rose to the challenge.
I looked at my friend and he agreed to join me.
We’d both never done anything like this before but decided to give it a go.
Our guide said “Great! I’ll meet you at the entrance of the cave and talk you through the whole thing before we begin.”
He jumped in and swam to the cave.
We put on our gear and dove in shortly after.
As we approached the entrance of the cave, my friend started to get anxious and said he wasn’t up for it anymore and turned to swim back to the boat.
Shit, I thought.
Now its just me.
Is this safe?
Am I doing the right thing?
What if I hurt myself?
I had a decision to make—keep going or turn back.
No one would judge me if I turned back.
My friends were all enjoying themselves sitting inside the boat having a few drinks and laughing, safe and sound. They saw no reason to expose themselves to this type of challenge. So why did I? Integrity I suppose. I told myself I was going to do something. I had to follow through, even if it meant doing it on my own.
No, I want to finish this. I know I can do it.
I checked in with my intuition and it was in agreement.
I kept swimming.
Are you committed to walking your authentic path even if it means walking alone?
The Illusion
“There is no illusion greater than fear” - Lao Tzu
Once I got inside the cave I understood what the guide meant by tight spaces.
He wasn’t joking.
I found myself in a very narrow spot between two huge walls of the cave. They looked like they were almost collapsing in on themselves.
I had to rest my back on one side and hook my feet on the other to stop myself being carried away by the strength of the current.
The waves were crashing against my face and mouthfuls of salty water were becoming too familiar for my liking.
I thought about turning back again.
I turned around and realised the entrance was too narrow to exit now.
He was right. I was in it now. There was no turning back.
I could feel heart racing. I was a few shallow breaths away from an anxiety attack.
The guide swam underwater and came out on the other side of the initial hurdle. He was in the heart of the cave and shouted to ask if I could hear his voice.
He said “when you’re ready dive under and swim through the gap and you’ll see me standing here. I’ll reach out and grab your hand. Make sure you keep your head low so you don’t hit your head on the rocks.”
I was silent for a moment whilst I registered the situation I found myself in.
“Are you doing it?!”, he shouted.
I said “give me a minute!” as I spat out another mouthful of water.
I took a deep breath and the noise in my head quietened.
I swam under and came out on the other side and gasped for a breath of fresh ocean air as I raised my head above the water.
I continued to follow him through the cave.
There were two more narrow hurdles to swim through underwater before we finally exited the cave and came back out into open waters.
Now that I’d done the first one I knew I could do the other two.
As I finally swam back to the boat my friends were all cheering me on.
I sat on the boat reflecting on the experience I’d just had as we made our way to the restaurant.
I realised the difference between having this experience and not having it was simple—choosing to lean in or to lean away from fear.
I see fear as an indicator for when I’m at my edge—the edge of comfort and the entrance of discomfort. It is an opportunity to lean in, grow my character, and further add to my collection of life experiences.
The fear never really disappears. It dissolves once you acknowledge it and name it.
I became so fully present in that moment inside the cave that nothing else mattered. I had no thoughts in my mind. It was very meditative. Because the situation was so new, my brain had to fully focus and be present in order to navigate this new territory to survive.
I wanted to have this experience go down in my history book. I wanted to look back on my deathbed and feel really proud that I’d done something that I felt afraid to do.
In the end what matters to me is having a life full of unexpected adventure.
And for me to have that I must learn to surrender, lean in to fear, and be courageous in every moment I can.
After this experience I realised that fear was simply an energy luring me toward my growth.
Journal Prompts
What is your relationship to fear?
Where in your life can you lean in more?
Whats one word you’d like to use to describe your life in the end?
Give A Gift
I’d love for you to consider gifting a subscription to someone you feel my words would resonate with. If you are in a position to spread some kindness by spending $7 or $70 (2 months free) to gift someone a subscription then please consider doing so (all the money goes to supporting me as a writer).
We build community as a collective by combined effort, not alone.
This newsletter is a place for us to come together as one. A generation of healers and cycle-breakers who are committed to cleaning their heart, mind, and soul from all the garbage we’ve been fed to stop us from being our most authentic self.
The words I share online are a small step in that direction.
Want to work with me?
If you’re craving a safe space to explore your identity more deeply then find out more about working privately with me here
One love ❤️
V