Do You Struggle Accepting Compliments?
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When you receive a compliment do you:
deflect quickly and change the subject?
say thanks but don’t really feel the praise?
feel the need to compliment them back?
If you do any of these (or feel uncomfortable in general) you struggle to fully receive praise.
And if you do struggle with this, it is an indication that you struggle to receive in general. So then, where else in life might you be struggling to receive that which you want?
A recent conversation with a client really struck me.
For the sake of privacy let’s call him Sidney.
Sidney is married in his 30s with a good paying corporate job. He’s on track to do really well in his career.
He’s ambitious.
He’s focused.
He’s emotionally intelligent.
On the outside he has everything. But he struggles to receive compliments at work and in his personal life.
Just because he is successful doesn’t mean he feels successful.
Every time he received a compliment he said he’d feel extremely anxious. He felt a pit in his stomach and would feel like a frightened child.
“It’s interesting you use the phrase frightened child a few times in the last couple of minutes.” I said.
He paused for a moment.
He went on to explain that when he was younger his mother told him not to share his accomplishments with the world for fear of evil eye (a curse from a jealous person that would hinder further success).
“Wow”, I said.
“To me that makes perfect sense now. You were essentially told that you shouldn’t let the world know who you really are and what you’re capable of because it may get taken from you.”
I continued, “I think you feel that anxiety in your stomach because you have associated praise with negativity.”
Essentially this was the message he carried through his life: I shouldn’t let the world know what I am really capable of because it may get taken from me.
He translated what his mum told him to mean the following:
Stay small
Stay hidden
Stay unseen
Because that’s how you stay safe.
It’s fascinating how our childhood beliefs affect us as adults. After all, we are all children in bigger bodies.
His face lit up as he understood how the dots connected. He was excited to move through it so naturally asked what do I do from here?
Instinctively this is what I suggested:
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