Dreams & Nightmares
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Dreams & Nightmares
“A fish cannot drown in water. A bird does not fall in air. Each creature God made must live in its own true nature.” - Mechthild of Magdeburg
2023 has been filled with dreams and nightmares.
Where I started, and where I’ve ended up, I could not have imagined.
You know that feeling of waking up from sleep and not quite having your bearings right away? Those few moments when you wake up and stumble as you struggle to open your eyes and register your surroundings? When it takes you a few moments to fully land back into your body?
Well, I’ve been in that state most of the year.
I’ve had an avalanche of experiences that have been mixed with moments of jet black darkness and moments of colourful exquisite bliss.
I’ve been overwhelmed and overjoyed.
I know deep down that whatever experiences have been bestowed upon me are meant for my soul’s evolution. And as a byproduct, for the evolution of consciousness on this planet.
I’ve learned this year the more I surrender the more I realise there is a bigger plan waiting to unfold for me. By being taken to the darkest emotional depths I have had no choice but to let go and trust that the Divine Mother will provide a solution for me to progress.
When I couldn’t see a way out—She did.
My faith in the Divine Mother of creation is deepening with each passing year. She will always provide especially when I don’t have clarity and don’t know what my next steps are. She surprises me with what can happen in the 11th hour when my intentions are pure and I fully let go.
I am now slowly waking up to a new reality ready for a fresh start in 2024.
A New Chapter
“There is only one way to avoid criticism: do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.” - Aristotle
I recently watched the new Tyler Perry documentary called Maxine’s Baby.
It was deeply moving.
It told the story of a man who turned his pain into purpose. He chose to alchemise his experiences into something that served the greater good. It was beautiful to witness.
The flames in my soul turn to wildfire when I watch another walking their path with such authenticity, integrity, and love. When they demonstrate an unwavering commitment to their purpose and direction it serves as a reminder for me.
God, put me to work.
That is an affirmation I have recently been repeating.
I’m in a liminal, cocoon, fluid space right now where I feel my identity, once again, has turned from a solid ice cube (being rooted in a particular identity) back to flowing water (true state of nothingness). Each time I think I am someone or heading in a particular direction, I melt into flowing water ready to be moulded into the next version of myself.
She reminds me not to hold too tightly to any one way of being or doing.
I feel the work I will be doing in the world is changing.
I can’t quite put words to it yet but I do feel the vehicle through which I do my work is not as important as what the work itself represents.
Authenticity.
Service.
Impact.
Last year I let go of my corporate role to create space for something new to emerge. Since then I’ve had some incredible opportunities to coach individuals on a one-to-one basis, in groups, and to deliver workshops. All of which I am deeply grateful for.
However. I feel the tide turning again…
For the longest time I’ve been a lone wolf figuring things out.
I’m tired of that.
I don’t want to pride myself on working alone anymore.
That era is done.
I feel the time has come to collaboratively dream with other cosmic dreamweavers who feel humanity is ready for a new reality rooted in conscious leadership.
Leaders whose hearts are focused on big positive social change.
I feel my soul calling in all those who are ready for cosmic collaboration—the co-operative components, as Abraham Hicks would call it.
I have an unwavering commitment to my truth, which is to live out my soul’s journey. If something does not feel aligned to me I will not do it. When clarity is lacking, I have faith that all things are in divine order and that I do not need to see in order to have faith. That is the definition of faith afterall—trusting that you are being guided in the darkness.
I take small daily steps of action based on what feels right in that moment. I don’t have a blueprint for how to live my life. It won’t ever exist because I am not trying to walk the path of any other soul. Therefore, my role is to be acutely aware of the whispers I recieve from God that lead me to my magic.
As one of my mentors once said “In the absence of clarity, take action”.
The truth is I’ve only ever had clarity about the next small step, never multiple steps, and certainly never the whole picture.
I have come to feel that there is a bigger plan for my life in which I am not the only moving part, nor the only variable. I will remain true to paving my own way and surrendering to the divine intelligence so that it can work through me for the good of all.
I will not be swayed by those who have themselves been oppressed and have become accustomed to it as their normal reality. Those who want to lure me back to an existing framework of life because it makes them feel comfortable.
I cannot allow my freedom of expression to be hindered, which I’m only now learning is another dimension to freedom.
Inner Freedom
“Liberate yourself from the generational web of attachments that hinders your fullest, brightest, divine expression.” - me
Back in 2014/2015/2016 I was so focused on attaining financial freedom that I never considered that there was any other type of freedom worth pursuing. Nor did my younger self recognise that there was another (soul) plan unfolding.
I thought if only I can make enough money I can do things I enjoy. I will then have all the time to explore hobbies and travel the world. I need to build generational wealth because I don’t come from a wealthy family.
It couldn’t be further from my truth now.
Yes, exploring new hobbies is important to me.
Yes, travelling the world is important to me.
Yes, creating wealth and being able to share it with others is important to me.
But is that my only thing driving me now?
No.
And do I need to put the rest of my life on hold to build wealth?
Absolutely not.
It is not my sole soul purpose for living.
I am not living my life in a linear fashion anymore. Things can happen simultaneously. It does not have to be one thing at a time but rather, multiple things unfolding at once.
I remember now, I am here to serve.
What my service to humanity looks like may shift and change over time. That is why it is important to hold my personality loosely. To not be too attached to any one way of being and doing. Because in each chapter of my life I will change.
I do not want to do anything.
I want to be done.
I had a dream (no pun intended, you’ll know what I mean when you keep reading lol) in 2018 that I was holding the index finger of two giants with my whole fist—the way a baby would.
One was on the left and one was on the right.
They said “follow us we will guide you.”
I looked up to see who it was and they looked down on me with a loving gaze.
On the left was Gandhi, on the right was MLK.
The message was clear.
I am here to guide other people to their freedom too, not just create my own.
Whatever that looks like is not up to me, that is up to the Divine Mother to reveal to me. I am an open channel to be used as expression for helping people find their sense of freedom in their lives.
I realise now that my 20s were teaching me about emotional freedom. To set myself free from carrying the burdens of others. To decondition myself from a cultural and generational blueprint that has been heavily imprinted on me from birth and before birth about how to live my life and how to feel about it.
Those who pave their own way will inevitably start by questioning the path they are told to go on. And when they do, they will be labelled as difficult.
I am not trying to live a life that goes against the grain.
I am not trying to be difficult.
My intuition has naturally led me to make certain decisions.
It is in the DNA of my soul to do things my own way.
In The End
“When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.” - Joseph Campbell
I deeply resonate with Campbell’s The Heroes Journey and have come to realise that the end destination isn’t about getting to a specific place. Rather, it is about who you become along the way.
The magic elixir you bring back to serve your community in the end isn’t some golden treasure or magic potion, but you.
It’s your new found energy, intention, and wisdom.
I’ll finish by sharing a prayer that I wrote in my journal recently:
Divine Mother I trust you to bring my vision into focus. To bring clarity to my heart and to unveil that which is meant for my soul. I place my worries inside your heart and my desires in your palms. I lay my head in your lap knowing I will be taken care of. Your gentle guidance and your fierce protection will stabilise me as I walk my path each day. A path on which I am simultaneously a toddler and an ascended master. I trust you and love you.
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One love ❤️
V