The Most Important Question

Have you ever asked yourself this?

There’s one question that’s been on my heart these last few years and has been the focus of my curiosity. It’s simple yet profound:

At first you’d think well, “I’m just me”.

But when you go deeper and ask: “who actually is me?”, you may realise it’s not that easy to answer.

The reason I’m fascinated with this is because I came to a point in my life where I was lost. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I don’t think I ever did. No one had taught me to understand myself. And that’s probably the most important life skill we can cultivate - understanding oneself.

If you understand and embrace who you are, clarity about your life is a byproduct.

A while back I read the book ‘Man’s Search For Himself’ by the Existential Psychologist Rollo May. In it he shares a pattern he noticed between a lot of his clients - a feeling of emptiness.

In 2019 I realised I was empty. I was numb inside, dead.

No light. No spark. No emotion (other than anger).

I was craving to understand who I really was.

Rollo explains the problem most of his clients faced:

“They generally talk fluently about what they should want – to complete their college degree successfully, to get a job, to fall in love and marry and raise a family – but it is soon evident, even for them, that they are describing what others, parents, professors, employers expect of them rather than what they themselves want.”

There was one particular quote in the book from a client that floored me:

“I’m just a collection of mirrors, reflecting what everyone else expects of me.”

Damn.

What I realised the last few years

As scary as it is, it’s important to lean into your emotions and do the healing work so that you can reconnect to all parts of you and live authentically. The problem in society today is we’re operating as compartmentalised versions of ourselves. We present only parts of ourselves to the world. We show up as who we think we should be, rather than who we want to be. If you don’t lean into exploring who you really are, you may go your whole life living a lie.

In 2019 I began spending time in silence to peel back the layers of who I was. I realised 2 things:

1. Who I think I am is made up of a collection of thoughts.

2. I am not my thoughts.

We are souls living inside a body. Whilst we’re on Earth we need an ego to identify ourselves and help us navigate the world. The ego is a collection of stories we’ve made up about ourselves or inherited from others i.e. your name, your preferences, your dreams etc. The problem comes when we get too attached to this identity as permanent.

We can change the stories we carry about ourselves.

These are the questions I began to get curious about:

• Who am I beyond my body?

• Who am I beyond my stories?

• Who am I beyond my beliefs?

• Who am I beyond my thoughts?

The answer: behind my thoughts is nothing - silence.

The Sun is a great analogy to use. It’s always there silently shining even when covered by clouds. Think of the clouds as the various thoughts we have that can block us from really shining.

Using your thoughts intentionally

We get to choose our thoughts. Where our focus goes our energy flows. There’s one poem from my spiritual poetry book Searching in Silence I want to share:

with every negative thought I create,
with every negative word I speak,
with every negative action I do,
I am a killer.

with every positive thought I create,
with every positive word I speak,
with every positive action I do,
I am a creator.

When you realise this you’re free to choose who you want to be.

Take the time to slow down and ask yourself every now and again “is this serving me?”. If it isn’t, begin to let it go and get curious about what really lights you up.

Life is an experience to be explored and enjoyed. It shouldn’t feel like a chore. If it does, it’s time to evaluate where misalignment is present in your life.

1 thing I’m loving right now

I love my water bottle. It’s by a company called Bhavana Bottle. It was first sent to me as a birthday gift from a friend. I use it everyday and it’s great for travelling too. It’s made from beautiful bamboo and crafted with sacred geometry and a high vibration word like “LOVE” and “GRATITUDE”. Intentionality is important to me. I recently had the chance to connect with the co-founder Kelly and we recorded a wonderful podcast episode (out in a few weeks). Currently they only ship within the US and sell in Thailand.

One love,

V

Want to work with me?

If you’re craving a safe space to explore your identity more deeply then you can find out more about working privately with me here

I regularly share short solo episodes and longer guest conversations on my podcast Soul Wisdom Stories. You can listen here