The Perfect Partner
Do they exist?
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Work With Me
As an Intuitive Life Coach I guide you on the most sacred pilgrimage you’ll ever go on—the one from your head, to your heart, to your soul. I support you in navigating your inner world as you move through the complexities of life. I will help you:
Find clarity amidst the emotional turbulence you’re feeling,
Reconnect with your intuition more deeply,
Feel a sense of self-love, peace, and purpose.
Souls come to me when they’re feeling stagnant and have a yearning for something deeper in life. If you want a safe space to explore this with me, join me and start your beautiful pilgrimage today.
The One
“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens” - Rumi
Is there such a thing as “the one”?
Yes and no.
Life is not black and white - it’s coloured with context.
Approach life with a curious mind and an open heart, and you’ll be more fluid in your appreciation for what’s truly possible.
I’m reminded of a beautiful piece I recently read by Cleo Wade:
We all know someone or have heard stories of people who meet during high school, get married and stay together. However, if that isn’t you that doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Even if you find someone and it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re with the wrong person.
What if each person who crossed your path romantically was your one?
What if they were all soul mates at different stages in your life based on what you needed at that time?
What if they came along at the perfect time to teach you something different about love?
What if each person hasn’t been a waste of time, but instead taught you something about love and about yourself?
What I’ve come to realise is that recognising the right partner at a particular stage in life and having a healthy relationship with them comes down to understanding your definition of love and evaluating the relationship you have with yourself - because that will dictate everything you’re attracted to.
You may have intentionally or unintentionally closed off your heart after it has been broken so many times in the past.
Most peoples heart become like a tundra (a permanently frozen part of Earth’s surface). They become immune to giving and receiving love fully because of their traumatic past experiences. They’re afraid to get hurt again.
Don’t let your cloudy past stop you from having a colourful future.
Stop beating yourself up for choosing to open your heart in the past. Choosing love takes courage, and that’s something to be proud of. At least you took a chance.
“Nothing lasts forever, so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off, avoid the drama, take chances & never have regrets, because at one point everything you did was exactly what you wanted.” – Marilyn Monroe
We all carry expectations and stories based on our previous conditioning. This could be influenced by parents, social media, movies, friends, society etc. It forms our limited lens on life and it’s our responsibility to break free from our pursuit of perfection to really be able to taste love in a new way.
In reality, there is no such thing as a “perfect partner”.
To be human is to be imperfect.
There comes a time when you have to pause, breathe, and evaluate who you are and what you value before you go on living the same loop in life.
As you grow and evolve to understand yourself better, your definition of love will also change.
Redefining Love
“If you truly love someone, your love sees past their humanness” - Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul
Our role is to break the walls within us that we have built to protect our hearts. Though we think it’ll keep us safe, what it’s really doing is stopping us from feeling the fullness of love.
Love is an energy that exists outside one particular costume. It is the invisible thread that binds us together as one, if we let it.
Love does not look a particular way. It doesn’t see labels or beliefs. It doesn’t judge. It doesn’t limit itself. We limit how much we give and receive based on our conditioning. Loves sees the perfection in everything and everyone.
Unconditional love like that is brave - a sign of a courageous heart.
I invite you to let go of the idea that love needs to look a certain way in a relationship. Maybe the right partner isn’t the one who has all the typical things you’re expecting.
What if you’re missing out on magic because it doesn’t match the story your ego has painted?
Rather than looking for particular external factors, switch to ask yourself how you want to feel around the person. In the end, it is the feeling of the connection that we are craving to experience.
External appearances become less of a priority because looks fade. The spirit and the heart of a person will not fade. When someone leaves this planet what matters in the end? You remember how they made you feel. If you’re going to spend your days and nights with someone choose someone who brings you internal fulfilment.
As we’re talking about unconditional love I’m reminded of one of my favourite poems:
“Even
After
All this time
The Sun never says to the Earth,
"You owe me."
Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the whole sky.”
- Hafiz
I’m not saying you give and give and give while it breaks your soul. It’s important to set healthy boundaries. However, what I’m talking about here is the conditional boundaries we have created around our hearts from a place of fear which stops us from fully experiencing love.
It’s nice to see that we are slowly beginning to redefine love as a society. The lawyer in me (I’m a law graduate) sought out an interesting case…
In 1967 there was a landmark case in the Supreme Court called Loving v. Virginia, which stated that laws banning interracial marriage were a violation against the Equal Protection Clause in the United States Constitution.
It’s crazy to think that before this case interracial marriage was illegal.
This case meant that interracial couples would be protected and recognised equally in the eyes of the law as others who chose to get married.
The Connection
“Physical attraction is great, but do they nourish you intellectually, emotionally and spiritually? Seek depth and meaningful heart to heart connection. Find someone you feel safe around to unpack all that you’ve been carrying - a soul who feels like an exhale.” - me
A relationship is an entity on its own.
There’s you and them.
Both your energies combined create a third entity: the relationship.
A healthy relationship will require you to regularly face uncomfortable parts of yourself which will help you grow and heal together. You’ll be invited to meet yourself in deeper and deeper ways both individually and with one another on all levels to cultivate the connection: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Intimacy is leaning into one another in deeper and deeper ways.
Intimacy isn’t just about sex - it starts outside the bedroom.
It’s the cosmic dance between both souls on a daily basis. The deeper the emotional and spiritual bond, the more this will equate in the bedroom too.
Intimacy involves both of you understanding that your past affects the way you show up in a relationship. Intimacy means understanding you both have fears and insecurities and you’re both willing to gently explore how the dots connect so that you can heal together across all dimensions of time and space.
It also helps to have a shared love and vision for something beyond yourselves.
A shared respect and admiration for a higher purpose and power. This gives you both an opportunity to work within a safe container towards something bigger than each of you individually.
All of this combined is spiritual intimacy.
Perfectly Imperfect
“Life is nothing but an opportunity for love to blossom. If you are alive, the opportunity is there – even to the last breath. You may have missed your whole life: just the last breath, the last moment on the earth, if you can be love, you have not missed anything – because a single moment of love is equal to the whole eternity of love.” - Osho
Perfection is subjective, it doesn’t really exist. It’s an invisible goal post that keeps changing its position so you can never really get there. The goal isn’t to be perfect, but to embrace ourselves entirely and to be proud of who we are and who we are becoming. And by doing so you recognise all of you is already perfect.
When I was travelling in Austin last year I saw this poster which I immediately fell in love with:
Beauty isn’t about external appearances.
At the time of writing this there are 51.7M posts associated with the tag #couplegoals on Instagram. It’s important to remember that posts on Instagram are only a snapshot of a story, not the whole story. Therefore, it can be very deceiving and we can easily get caught up comparing ourselves to a false reality.
Most of the beauty/fitness industry want you to think that it’s all about how you look on the outside so you continue to buy into their products.
They keep you feeling like you’re not good enough so they can market their product as the magic solution to make you feel beautiful. They keep you reaching for external solutions - keeping you in a perpetual loop of insecurity.
Beauty is an internal feeling of total self-acceptance.
When you accept yourself as you are and own who you are wholeheartedly (embracing all your “flaws”), it shines externally in the form of genuine authentic confidence. And that’s what is sexy and attractive (don’t confuse this with fake confidence which is fuelled by insecurity hoping no one notices your flaws).
Focus on healing yourself and embracing who you are - your difference is your beauty.
Being able to work on your own self-acceptance will directly translate to how well you show up in a relationship. If you don’t there is a chance you’ll be seeking unnecessary validation from your partner to fill empty gaps within yourself that only you can fill.
The #1 Relationship
“The most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” - Aristotle
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, everything starts with the relationship you have to yourself.
There is nothing more beautiful that says I know who I am than when someone feels they finally matter. The conviction with which they walk through the world. The passion that pours from their lips when they talk. The kindness that seeps through their heart. Its magnetic.
If you’re single I invite you to think about whether you’re searching for a partner from a place of insecurity or fear. If that is the case then you’re more likely to overlook the things that aren’t in alignment with you because you’re in a hurry to fill the space of loneliness you feel inside. Instead, slow down and use this time to reflect on deepening your relationship to yourself. Get to know yourself intimately.
If you’re in a relationship, review your commitment to growth and healing. How are you continuing to deepen the relationship you have with yourself so that you can show up more deeply for yourself and your partner?
Journal Prompts
On a scale of 1-10 how much do you love yourself (10 being you accept everything about you)?
What do you truly value in a relationship?
Do you reflect those values yourself?
1 thing I’m loving right now
I recently watched a documentary on Netflix called Crip Camp. It’s about Camp Jened which was setup in the 50s as a summer camp for those with disabilities to enjoy life and feel a sense of community. It became a springboard for the Disability Rights Movement. I always find it interesting to see life through the lens of others in the world. The documentary also beautifully highlights that loves transcends boundaries of the exterior. Highly recommend!
You can watch the trailer here:
One love 🖤
V
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Podcast
I regularly share short solo episodes and longer guest conversations on my podcast Soul Wisdom Stories. You can listen here