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If you’ve enjoyed reading my words the last few weeks, months, or the past year, please consider becoming a paid subscriber for £70/year (2 months free). This really helps me financially support myself so I can keep writing without worrying about money. Your support means everything to me.
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Guilty.
Ashamed.
Sad.
Selfish.
Those are the emotions you may have felt if you’ve ever left (or are fantasising about leaving), a toxic situation with your family.
Here’s the thing though: you can’t save everyone.
It’s a sad and terrifying truth.
When a situation starts to eat away at your peace consistently it’s time for something to change.
Survivor’s guilt is the idea that you leave a situation and others you love are still experiencing it and you feel guilty because they’re suffering.
You are allowed to create distance from people for your own sanity and still love them.
Not everyone you love has to stay in your life.
Things change.
No one is entitled access to you.
You get to choose who stays in your life.
You have to evaluate if an existing situation is still working for you or not.
People may lean on you as their support system and may want to act like everything is “back to normal” but if you don’t feel like it is you shouldn’t be pressured to pretend.
Please stop betraying yourself by staying in a situation that is suffocating you.
I know it’s hard, but you really can’t save everyone.
Nor should you try to.
You will exhaust yourself and lose yourself along the way.
Whether it is your parents, aunties, uncles, siblings, or your friends—they have their own journey to move through. You can’t be with them through every chapter.
At a certain point you need to let go to show them (and yourself) what new way of living is possible on the other side of suffering.
By remanning in the suffering what story is it helping you continue to affirm?
They can only help themselves if they really want to.
Also, just because you’ve moved through a situation in the past, doesn’t mean you’ll feel better just because time has passed.
You may feel waves of sadness and guilt on some days. You’ll miss them deeply and want things to be normal (but you’ll eventually realise they were never really normal). Other days you’ll be mad. And on other days you’ll be perfectly at peace.
The fluctuation of emotions is normal.
Life isn’t linear.
This is a reminder that it’s okay to step away and look out for yourself so you can breathe. So you can exhale again. Maybe for the first time. So you can find out who you are without all the drama. So you can find out what it means to thrive and not just survive.
It’s not easy and there is no perfect answer and you don’t have to do it all in one day.
But you got this.
Only by creating space for yourself to breathe again will you be able to nourish yourself in the right way.
You deserve mental, emotional, and physical space.
You deserve peace and quiet.
You deserve a calm nervous system.
You deserve to heal and move forward.
PS - Navigating emotions on your own is never easy. As an Intuitive Life Coach I help support you in navigating the emotional turbulence you’re feeling. If you want a safe space to express your emotions and to explore deeper soulful conversations to help make sense of your life then book a session with me. You can find out more here.
One love ❤️
V
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We build community as a collective by combined effort, not alone.
This newsletter is a place for us to come together as one. A generation of healers and cycle-breakers who are committed to cleaning their heart, mind, and soul from all the garbage we’ve been fed to stop us from being our most authentic self.
The words I share online are a small step in that direction.
Want to work with me?
If you’re craving a safe space to explore your identity more deeply then find out more about working privately with me here
Powerful words !
It’s like tearing out a part of yourself
A part which is connected to your viscera by threads of glue and every experience associated with those people felt by your inner subconscious and conscious being, connected to your nervous system and brain by every thought about them and it’s’ reverberation associated to them, connected by your soul and every journey you’ve had previously with them…
Tearing that out and feeling every single point of pain
Holding that entity with both hands cupped, in your palms; gently, lovingly, tenderly….forgiving and understanding as much of ‘it’ as you are able given the pain of it
…all along knowing that you must put ‘it’ safely somewhere, letting the universe water it, nurture it, feed it, flood sunshine upon it…for it to evolve in its own way
…all the while allowing the knowledge to unfold in yourself that there is no outcome
That relationship or those relationships may or may not ever evolve into something aligned with your journey …
But allowing it regardless
Ever in the beautiful knowledge that your journey is yours, to follow unrelentingly
And Theirs is Theirs to choose
I can only begin to understand your pain bro
But I’m sending you strength and love regardless and always
In the knowledge you are stronger than you could ever know