Include Me, Please

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New Leadership

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.” - Helen Keller

Earlier this year I wrote a Letter To Humanity where I talked about the world needing conscious leadership. Individuals who are courageous and make decisions for the good of all from a place of integrity and service.

Last week I was kindly invited to an event by an organisation who is trying to do just that—Virgin Unite.

Virgin Unite is the non=profit foundation of the Virgin group. They work to solve global issues for humanity through collaboration. One of the many projects they are working on is 100% Human At Work.

Its focus is creating a better business world—one which makes positive decisions to nurture people and the planet alongside profit.

It was a day full of insightful talks and workshops on things like AI, mental health and wellbeing, future skills, and nurturing inclusion and belonging in the workplace.

There were many great conversations I had that day but I want to share one particular story with you…

Lead By Example

“We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” - Epictetus

After the morning sessions were completed we all went to lunch.

There was a buffet of food available and cocktail tables were laid out perfectly for us to socialise and chat whilst we stood and ate.

I grabbed some food and a lemongrass and ginger tea and I walked over to a lady who was eating on her own. I noticed her name badge said Gabriella.

I introduced myself and began a conversation.

She asked me what I thought about the day so far and I mentioned a story about Nelson Mandela that was shared with us first thing in the morning that made me smile and how we could do with more empathy from leaders in the world today.

She then asked what my story was and what I did.

Just as I was about to get into it, two other souls floated over to our table and I paused, turned to them, and asked their names;

“Jean-Pierre”

“Alison”

JP quickly followed by saying “don’t worry about us, don’t let us interrupt you.”

Whilst his remark was a natural response in a situation like that, its not in my heart to exclude anyone so without missing a beat I replied “no I want you both to be part of the conversation now that you’re here.”

I introduced them to Gabriella and gave them an overview of where we were in the conversation so far and then picked up from where I left off.

We got into an engaging conversation about the role of mental health and wellbeing in the world of work, and spoke about how some taboo topics should be spoken about more often (think depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, grief etc).

The time flew by and I barely had a bite of my food.

As we were leaving to go back upstairs for the next workshop, Gabriella turned to me and said “I really loved that you made everyone feel included in that conversation.”

I said “Thank you for recognising and acknowledging that—it’s important to me because I know how much it lacks in the world today.”

Two of my favourite quotes by Gandhi came to mind:

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

and

“My life is my message”

I make it a point to make people feel safe around me because I know how it feels to be lonely and excluded.

I know how it feels to be left out and not acknowledged. I mean it happened just earlier that day. I walked over to a cocktail table where I saw two people talking amongst themselves. I was hoping they would notice me, but they didn’t. They saw me because I was standing inches away, but didn’t say a word and continued talking amongst themselves.

I know what it feels like to be a ghost—like I’m wearing Harry’s invisibility cloak (Harry Potter fans know).

I want to live in a world where inclusion exists.

One where empathy and curiosity lead the way, not judgment and exclusion.

We can all do this through small daily actions we take.

Include Everyone

“Everybody can be great because everybody can serve.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

One of my natural strengths is my ability to connect with people.

I enjoy talking to people and more importantly, listening to their stories.

You can learn so much about someone’s state of mind and their emotional world by deeply listening.

After Gabriella’s comment, it got me thinking about the things I naturally do during interactions with people that make me a good communicator and relationship builder.

Here’s some things I feel we could all benefit from implementing more that is lacking in the world today:

• If someone has just joined your group—take a moment to pause—and include them in the conversation (so many times when I have approached a group and they’ve ignored me).

• If you’re mentioning a specific term, concept, reference to something, or someone, don’t assume everyone knows what it means or who it is. It could make a few people feel excluded. I’ve heard too many people during talks say a complicated term or say “I assume you all know what X is” and continue in the conversation whilst I’m left feeling clueless.

• Ask someone’s name and if you’re unsure how to pronounce it, ask them how.

• Ask if they have a nickname they prefer (or if you come up with a nickname for them ask them if they’re ok with it).

• Be fully present and listen to what they are saying without waiting for them to finish just so you can reply.

• Ask follow up questions based on what they’ve just said—don’t change the focus back to talking more about yourself for the sake of it to look good.

• Don’t interrupt someone whilst they’re talking.

• Face someone and make eye contact whilst someone is talking, don’t try to multitask and divide your attention.

• If there is someone quieter in the group who hasn’t spoken much (or at all) ask them what their opinion is.

• Try to slow down your speech and remember to breath deeply so you can articulate youtself more clearly.

• If something is mentioned that you don’t quite understand or agree with, approach the conversation with curiosity and ask them to explain further and share why they believe what they do because you’re seeking to understand more deeply.

Deep down everyone wants to feel seen and heard. They want to know they exist and they matter. Let us all be mindful of this in our daily interactions with one another.

Want to work with me?

If you’re craving a safe space to explore your identity more deeply then find out more about working privately with me here

One love ❤️

V