Multiple Truths
Living between different realities
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a guided meditation,
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Your Intuition Is Waiting
If you missed it in my last newsletter: I was recently invited to record a podcast with my friend Bunny Love-Schock and we had the most amazing conversation.
We talked about:
my relationship to God, Consciousness, Spirit
becoming a clear channel for the divine
listening to your intuition and surrendering
my upbringing and healing tools I’ve used
+ so much more!
There is SO much magic in this conversation. I really enjoyed it. Listen on any podcast platform now!
Multiple Truths
“The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.” - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Recently, I’ve been sitting with the idea of multiple truths.
The idea that different things can be true all the same time.
I think a relevant way to humanise this example is to talk about my dad because that’s what I’ve been reflecting on.
He is a complicated man to grasp because there are many layers to him.
As with most of us, there is more than what meets the eye.
Like any human, he has multiple sides to him—the light and the shadow all wrapped up within a long story.
Unfortunately, so much of his shadow has consumed him for most of his life, especially in the last decade, that it caused a riveting rage in my body.
The rage has somewhat lessened now but I am aware of the acute anger that lingers within my heart.
As much as I’ve wanted to pigeonhole him into one category of being a “bad guy”, he isn’t. The truth is, there are multiple sides to him, all of which are true.
Some of his unhealthy behaviours:
Alcoholism—I could clearly see his behaviour change when he drank but he could never see it or admit it. I would say “it's because you’re drinking” or “we should talk when you aren’t drinking” and he would get mad and say “alcohol has nothing to do with it!” or “people are doing worse things” or “you just don’t want me to be happy do you!”
Physical Abuse—He would hit me when I was younger to discipline me because it was a normalised behaviour during his childhood. Sometimes to the point where I would wee myself. The fear instilled in my body from being shouted at and hit was very real. I’ve had to work through the reverberations of that by having the courage to voice how I feel when someone shares something that I have an opposing view on. My relationship with “authority” continues to evolve too. I am naturally an independent spirit that doesn’t like being told what to do. However, with the right people I will find flow to work together but I do need space to breathe and find my own rhythm.
Emotional Abuse—I watched over the years as he always wanted constant praise for how he looked, things he’d done around the house or in the garden, his need for us to always side with him in situations involving other people, sympathise and listen to him about those who have done wrong by him in the past, criticise us for what we’re doing and what we “should” be doing instead of wasting time, telling us what we said doesn’t make sense and that it is a lie, saying he never said what he did and the what we remember isn’t true (gaslighting). He would make me feel guilty by saying about himself “I’m always the problem. It’s better if I was dead that’s what you’re waiting for anyway!” If I ever spoke up for myself he would find it disrespectful and say “I never spoke to my dad like that” and “Remember you’re only alive because of me”.
It would be only half the truth if I only shared that side of him.
Some of his healthy behaviours:
Thoughtful—He always remembers everyone’s birthday and anniversary. He would remember the small details about a person i.e. their favourite song or movie. He would also hand-make cards and gifts to make them more sentimental. I remember him making a scrap book for me a few years ago sharing some nice childhood photos he’d dug out for my birthday.
Helpful—I’ve seen him go out of his way to support those he loves physically and financially where possible.
Chores—Contrary to the typical traditional man, he isn’t afraid of doing chores. Over the years, I have seen him change nappies, cook dinner, run errands, clean the house every week, do the laundry, and do the dishes for everyone regularly.
Being able to hold these truths simultaneously takes courage. I notice I feel guilty talking about it. I notice the anger I feel and the urge to protect myself. I sway from one side to another, but it’s important not to pigeon hole someone into only one box, including yourself.
How many multiple truths lay inside you right now?
Life is simple and complex all at the same time—that’s the truth. It isn’t just one or the other. Holding this idea in my heart has been the journey I’ve been navigating.
I felt inspired to create this image as a visual representation to simplify who we are as humans.
As humans we can’t be put into a box. We want to classify people as either “this” or “that” so it is easier to manage, but the truth is life isn’t black or white—it’s coloured with context. Everyone has a story with different chapters. Some beautiful. Some horrific. That’s what makes us, us. It’s the human experience.
“I live in a world where two truths coexist: where both hell and hope lie in the palm of my hand.” - Alice Sebold
Living with multiple truths is a brave ability. Learning to live with different realities all at the same time.
My spiritual journey has been about shattering illusions. Choosing to live in the darkness of ignorance or embracing the truth and shattering illusions. I’ve always chosen the latter because living in the shadows would be too painful for me to endure. It’s like I’d be lying to my own heart everyday. I’d rather be faced with the truth and live in a space of true freedom than a false illusion.
In her book The Devil You Know, Dr. Gwen Adshead, the leading forensic psychiatrist in Britain, shares these insightful string of words after working with lots of psychaitric patients,
It’s part of the myth of violence that that the victims are always fearful and ashamed, whereas the perpetrators are angry and callous. My experience is that there are many perpetrators who are ashamed and traumatised by their offence, and many victims who really struggle to manage their understandable feelings of rage and vengefulness. Both victims and perpetrators need help for their pain; as beautifully expressed by the American philosopher Richard Rohr, ‘If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.’
So you see, we all feel. It just looks different for each of us. We all have stories. They just look different for each of us. Each of us carry many truths. We’re walking paradoxes. That’s the human experience. The truth is, there are multiple truths. Coming to that realisation is helping me navigate life in a more balanced way.
3 sentences I enjoyed reading this week:
An important perspective shift from
—What if everything we’re worried about never actually happens? As humans we’re focused on the worst case scenario because our brain are built for survival. But, when you look into your past surely you’ll find more evidence that things always work themselves out in the end. The solutions aren’t always clearly in front of us, but that doesn’t meant they don’t exist. Slowly but surely, it all turns.
2. A reminder from
—It’s important to listen deeply to our internal world. It is where our truth hides away until it is given permission to be expressed. Then it lives in our external world.
3. Thank you
for these words. Take action with integrity. It’s how you build trust with yourself and the world
One love 🖤
V
Hello V and followers! It’s been awhile since I’ve connected. Thank you for this share of “Multiple Truths”… indeed. I really appreciated how you listed the disturbing aspects of your father and then the positive. Oh my… why? First off, my father was a major drinker of alcohol as well. I’ll never forget whenever I saw a glass of ice and clear liquid in his hand, I knew it wasn’t water! He was a heavy gin drinker, and too would find it far easier to raise holy hell over anything once inebriated. I remember living in Europe, coming home with my 1 year old, pregnant alone and a hurricane warning was given. I sat on the living room floor with my daughter, father in his chair watching TV and I felt ‘safe’ being with ‘family’, my baby, pregant etc (the dream)… and then, I saw him go get that “short glass with ice and clear liquid” and I took my daughter up to my room, locked the door and sat the storm out alone there. Deeply, deeply disappointed. 1 of a million+ times I wanted to believe “it could be different.”
I also grew up (one example) of being strapped with a belt on my naked legs laying on my bed as a punishment from my father. (I.e. late coming home from school). The day, when I was a teenager, that he never strapped me again was the day I CHOSE to hold on to the bedcover as tightly as possibly, and NOT cry. This apparently impressed him, and he literally complimented me at the dinner table that night (SHORTLY after the yelling at me and strapping) announcing to my mother and brother… “and she didn’t even cry”… he never strapped me again. Hmmm…. Now, what was it that was good about this man?? Keep in mind, strapping me was the tip of the iceberg.
Your effort to see the dark and light of your father touches me, V. I get the work it takes. Thank you loved one. 🙏 ~ V