Hello V and followers! It’s been awhile since I’ve connected. Thank you for this share of “Multiple Truths”… indeed. I really appreciated how you listed the disturbing aspects of your father and then the positive. Oh my… why? First off, my father was a major drinker of alcohol as well. I’ll never forget whenever I saw a glass of ice and clear liquid in his hand, I knew it wasn’t water! He was a heavy gin drinker, and too would find it far easier to raise holy hell over anything once inebriated. I remember living in Europe, coming home with my 1 year old, pregnant alone and a hurricane warning was given. I sat on the living room floor with my daughter, father in his chair watching TV and I felt ‘safe’ being with ‘family’, my baby, pregant etc (the dream)… and then, I saw him go get that “short glass with ice and clear liquid” and I took my daughter up to my room, locked the door and sat the storm out alone there. Deeply, deeply disappointed. 1 of a million+ times I wanted to believe “it could be different.”
I also grew up (one example) of being strapped with a belt on my naked legs laying on my bed as a punishment from my father. (I.e. late coming home from school). The day, when I was a teenager, that he never strapped me again was the day I CHOSE to hold on to the bedcover as tightly as possibly, and NOT cry. This apparently impressed him, and he literally complimented me at the dinner table that night (SHORTLY after the yelling at me and strapping) announcing to my mother and brother… “and she didn’t even cry”… he never strapped me again. Hmmm…. Now, what was it that was good about this man?? Keep in mind, strapping me was the tip of the iceberg.
Your effort to see the dark and light of your father touches me, V. I get the work it takes. Thank you loved one. 🙏 ~ V
V, I honour you for the courage it takes to share. Wow. That is a lot to go through. I shudder whilst reading it. I’m sorry you had to lock yourself in your room. The heartbreak and grief of hoping for something different and it doesn’t happen. Our parents continue to break our heart because they are stuck in their wounds. I still have a way to go to make peace with my father. Maybe I will. Maybe I never will. I don’t know. But I try to see the picture as objectively as I can with all of the information I have. It’s a delicate balance between honouring the terrifying pain and suffering I went through and also recognising it isn’t the entire picture. When we’ve been through so much it’s hard to see the light in the situation (and there is no need to either). The only thing we can confidently give our fathers credit for (if nothing else) is the fact we are born. We are in this physical body experiencing the gift of life because of them…
Recently, when considering my ancestry, 50% Lithuanian, it blows my mind that my grandmother and grandfather came over to Ellis Island, and my mother was born here carrying the egg that was me, and then with my father…. Here I am. Powerful, remarkably inexplicable, actually to consider our ancestry and many many generations of people connecting from all over the world that brought us to the space we live in …in this moment.
Then, speaking of resolving, or making peace with a parent… What I’ve learned as it’s with myself I have to make peace, and be surrounded by my own unconditional love. Elizabeth Gilberts “letters from love “project is remarkable.”, and I find that I not only do it weekly, daily, I actually find myself conversing asking “what would you have me know today love? “… And it can come to me at any given moment, with any given thought or consideration. I love finding out, “loves” perspective.
Both my parents have passed, and what I do know is that we all simply do the best that we can with what we have, what we know, what we’re capable of.
Thank you for your kind words and response, V. I dearly appreciate our souls nodding to each other through our shared words🙏 Namaste
It is truly breathtaking to think about how "you" were carried through every single person in your lineage who came before you in some way. You can't help but be in awe when contemplating that. I love the idea of asking Unconditional Love's perspective on a situation. It certainly is a practise because we can easily be swayed by daily life. It's important to have self-compassion and grace for ourselves as we navigate the ups and downs of daily life. Thank you for being here. I'm glad we crossed paths. I see you.
Hello V and followers! It’s been awhile since I’ve connected. Thank you for this share of “Multiple Truths”… indeed. I really appreciated how you listed the disturbing aspects of your father and then the positive. Oh my… why? First off, my father was a major drinker of alcohol as well. I’ll never forget whenever I saw a glass of ice and clear liquid in his hand, I knew it wasn’t water! He was a heavy gin drinker, and too would find it far easier to raise holy hell over anything once inebriated. I remember living in Europe, coming home with my 1 year old, pregnant alone and a hurricane warning was given. I sat on the living room floor with my daughter, father in his chair watching TV and I felt ‘safe’ being with ‘family’, my baby, pregant etc (the dream)… and then, I saw him go get that “short glass with ice and clear liquid” and I took my daughter up to my room, locked the door and sat the storm out alone there. Deeply, deeply disappointed. 1 of a million+ times I wanted to believe “it could be different.”
I also grew up (one example) of being strapped with a belt on my naked legs laying on my bed as a punishment from my father. (I.e. late coming home from school). The day, when I was a teenager, that he never strapped me again was the day I CHOSE to hold on to the bedcover as tightly as possibly, and NOT cry. This apparently impressed him, and he literally complimented me at the dinner table that night (SHORTLY after the yelling at me and strapping) announcing to my mother and brother… “and she didn’t even cry”… he never strapped me again. Hmmm…. Now, what was it that was good about this man?? Keep in mind, strapping me was the tip of the iceberg.
Your effort to see the dark and light of your father touches me, V. I get the work it takes. Thank you loved one. 🙏 ~ V
V, I honour you for the courage it takes to share. Wow. That is a lot to go through. I shudder whilst reading it. I’m sorry you had to lock yourself in your room. The heartbreak and grief of hoping for something different and it doesn’t happen. Our parents continue to break our heart because they are stuck in their wounds. I still have a way to go to make peace with my father. Maybe I will. Maybe I never will. I don’t know. But I try to see the picture as objectively as I can with all of the information I have. It’s a delicate balance between honouring the terrifying pain and suffering I went through and also recognising it isn’t the entire picture. When we’ve been through so much it’s hard to see the light in the situation (and there is no need to either). The only thing we can confidently give our fathers credit for (if nothing else) is the fact we are born. We are in this physical body experiencing the gift of life because of them…
Perfectly said V👍
Recently, when considering my ancestry, 50% Lithuanian, it blows my mind that my grandmother and grandfather came over to Ellis Island, and my mother was born here carrying the egg that was me, and then with my father…. Here I am. Powerful, remarkably inexplicable, actually to consider our ancestry and many many generations of people connecting from all over the world that brought us to the space we live in …in this moment.
Then, speaking of resolving, or making peace with a parent… What I’ve learned as it’s with myself I have to make peace, and be surrounded by my own unconditional love. Elizabeth Gilberts “letters from love “project is remarkable.”, and I find that I not only do it weekly, daily, I actually find myself conversing asking “what would you have me know today love? “… And it can come to me at any given moment, with any given thought or consideration. I love finding out, “loves” perspective.
Both my parents have passed, and what I do know is that we all simply do the best that we can with what we have, what we know, what we’re capable of.
Thank you for your kind words and response, V. I dearly appreciate our souls nodding to each other through our shared words🙏 Namaste
It is truly breathtaking to think about how "you" were carried through every single person in your lineage who came before you in some way. You can't help but be in awe when contemplating that. I love the idea of asking Unconditional Love's perspective on a situation. It certainly is a practise because we can easily be swayed by daily life. It's important to have self-compassion and grace for ourselves as we navigate the ups and downs of daily life. Thank you for being here. I'm glad we crossed paths. I see you.