The Goal Of Doing "The Work"
Reflecting on what it means
Soul Wisdom is a weekly newsletter. Please feel free to share parts of this letter that connect with you, or send to someone you love. A special shout out to all the new subscribers who joined since the last newsletter. Thank you for valuing my work when there are so many things that can take your attention online. I appreciate you. It means everything. 🖤
Soul Circle
Soul Circle is a monthly group Zoom call. It is a safe space to pause, exhale, and unwind the story in your soul. We do a guided meditation and have a deep reflective conversation with questions.
Earlier this week we spoke about:
What the goal of doing “the work” is
Healing really happens when we feel
Our relationship to love and how it shows up for us
Next one will be in October (date TBC) but you’ll get instant access to all the previous ones + replay of October if you can’t make it.
A recent song I listened to whilst writing:
“The Work”
“We do not think our way into a new way of living. We live our way into a new way of thinking.” - Richard Rohr
I feel one of the most courageous things you can do in this life is sit with your demons. I wonder how many people live their whole life lying to themselves about how happy they actually are. How many keep the illusion alive to avoid acknowledging the mountain of pain that’s quietly sitting inside.
To me, “the work” is getting honest with myself about how I’m actually feeling moment to moment. It’s looking at my conditioning and reactive patterns of behaviour that are keeping me stuck in a loop. Discovering what I have taken for granted as the “truth” when in reality it’s an inherited limited belief—an expired opinion I’ve mistaken for fact. Its soul searching to find out who I am outside of what my parents and society have told me who I am.
It’s not an easy journey to embark on because it can feel lonely and tiresome. It's a constant evaluation and re-evaluation of the self. However, living from an authentic place without the weight of past emotional turmoil and external expectations is, to me, true freedom. The journey of healing and self-discovery is extremely rewarding from that perspective.
It’s a balance between being fully immersed in life and having a healthy detachment from it all knowing death is the destination. Feeling the depth of passion on the one hand, and the pain of being human on the other.
Learning to spin multiple plates at the same time.
During a conversation earlier this week a friend said,
“The sadness gets smaller if you’ve done the work.”
“Hmm I’m not sure I agree with that.” I replied.
We were talking about making choices that our parents don’t approve of.
I was sharing how there may always be a part of us that is sad that our parents aren’t fully supportive of our life choices and how deep down we want their approval (however little or large the feeling may be, it is there). He said as time went on and he’d done the work, his sadness got smaller and he hardly felt it. But throughout the conversation he made remarks that made me curious:
“There’s a small feeling of annoyance when they..”
“I immediately felt a sense of disappointment and like a failure after my dad said that but..”
“I know they only want the best for me but..”
If you listen closely to someone, they’ll give you signs of what’s really going on inside.
The relationship we have with our parents is probably one of the most complicated on the planet for many of us.
By saying the sadness gets smaller the more we do “the work” implies that the goal of “the work” is to reduce the amount we feel heaviness/heartache.
I don’t think that’s true.
The goal of “the work” isn’t to make emotions smaller or to reduce the pain you feel. I think its:
To better understand the layers of who you are. What makes you, you. What stories live inside your mind and heart?
To have increasing awareness about what you’re feeling and to expand your capacity to hold the heaviness without self-judgment.
As you remove layers of conditioning you gradually find the courage to take action toward your truth instead of being influenced by your conditioning (largely made up of our parents).
Example:
I acknowledge the sadness that is present in relation to my parents not fully accepting a certain life choice I made. The child in me will always want their unconditional love and support. I want them to celebrate me and be happy that I’m happy (even though our choices may not align). I want them to be proud of me. Whilst I honour that sadness, it doesn’t stop me from committing to my choice and moving forward with my life. That’s where the courage to honour my truth comes in. An alternative could be that I make choices that avoid my parents being disappointed—I suppress my truth to appease them (or anyone else).
If you’re someone who is honouring your truth in the world it doesn’t mean you don’t feel sad.
I feel we may all be lonely on some level.
You can acknowledge you feel sad and still feel courageous and joyful.
Both can be true.
Love,
V
If you want to learn more about working privately with me 1-1 then have a read of this page and if you have any questions you can DM me.
so right friend. it's a this AND that situation with our big feelies and no longer has a this OR that framework. It's all of it. There is peace in the awareness, recognition, understanding and zoom out of any human emotion (with the big cries and frustration!)
I love your insights babe ❤️